She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
