Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Randomize