i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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