Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
