Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
