if you like me you must not know who I am
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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