hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
