i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
