i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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