I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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