this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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