Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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