Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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