she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
