I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
