If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
