Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
