I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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