Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
