My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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