If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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