Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
