Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
