I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
