With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
