hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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