Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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