but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
