My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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