If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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