he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
