I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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