We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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