then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
