My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
