I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
