last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
