he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize