Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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