I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
