i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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