I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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