some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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