dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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