Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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