My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
nutella sex= disaster
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
