The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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