margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
