U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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