come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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