i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
