I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
