I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
