So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
whose parrot is this?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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