Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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