Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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