Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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