You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
