"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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