After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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