Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need water and some morals
Randomize
