i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
