I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
