mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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