So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
