i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
