My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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