Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
