I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
