I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
