I didn't shave. On purpose
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
