My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
