also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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