This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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