i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
