apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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