there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
