hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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