Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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