if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
