wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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