Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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