Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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