Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
