Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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