i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
