So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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