she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize